AI Advice for Middle Age Women

 I have been putting on weigh very slowly like 1 kg every 2 years. This is bad if it is not controlled. I can be very curvy by mid 60s. All my nice dresses will not fit :)

I've tried many things. I watch what I eat, go for a walk, do stretches with dumb bell. My mid section (and my face) is getting bigger no matter what I do. So one fine day, I ask ChatGPT. According to the AI, it is middle age problem, something on menopause, hormones change, cortisol blah blah blah.

The key takeaways from my chat which I think worth trying are:

1. drink 2L of water a day. I'll probably drink 1L or less a day.

2. drink less alcohol like 1 glass a week. I drink 4 to 6 glasses a week.

3. Count my protein. I should  have at least 1g of protein for 1kg of my weight. I read labels but counting protein is another level. I try my best to have balance diet but I don't count.

4. Take my weight, waist and hip measurements every 4 weeks for 12 weeks. I will give this a try for 12 weeks!

Wishing myself good luck.

Becoming a German - Going for a Walk

Another habit I have acquired since coming to Germany is enjoying a walk. I suppose it makes sense. Walking is healthy, getting the clean fresh air and it is free. Berlin is actually a very nice city. Despite being the capital city, it has a lot of greens and lakes. All these are public spaces and can be enjoyed by anyone.  We always joke that if it was Malaysia, greedy developers would have bought the prime spaces and build buildings only those who can afford the hefty price tags can enjoy. This is one of the beauty of Germany.

Near my house which is within walking distance, there is a UNESCO park and lakes. Dominic and I had our usual routine walk which we passed the views in the pictures shown below.  Walking along the lake always feels calm.  The scenery is different in different seasons. You will not be bored. The loop is about 4500 steps and takes 40 mins to complete. We tried to walk this loop everyday. On days when we have more time and nice weather we walk further to the UNESCO park and it easily takes 2 hours.

So when I don't know what to do and the weather is nice, I go for a walk. Even in winter when it is cold, I go for a walk as long as it dry and sunny.

Blurberry

 There is this shop called Apom in Bangsar Village. Not sure if it is still around. It sells T-shirts, bags, small items with funny and catchy phrases. We bought a few things. The most funny and caught most attention is my bag. It says 'Blurberry.....tiap tiap hari'

I carry this bag to my classes. It is big enough to store my tools for my pottery and calligraphy classes. Once my pottery teacher walked to me and said 'Is the Burberry your bag? Your phone is ringing'. I smiled. 

Chloe's friends were over and I had my bag on the chair. One said to Chloe, 'Did your mother know there is a spelling mistake?'. Chloe smiled.

Another of her friend commented 'This is a very bad fake.' Chloe smiled and said you will never understand the joke.

Ha ha ha...

Second Hand Clothes Shopping

 Chloe is a queen in second hand clothes shopping. She buys from a platform called Vinted very often. I must say the price is really good. She never pays more than 5€ for a top. She also sells her unwanted clothes on Vinted. One of her best friend, N, makes a good side hustle selling on Vinted. N visits flea market often, picks up sellable stuff, repackage or re-market with much higher prices. That's how N earns her extra pocket money. 

Recently Chloe bought a long sleeve shirt UK size 20! When I was washing it, I wondered how did this giant shirt get into the basket. She said she bought it. There I go again nagging why she bought something that is so off. She said she will altered it. 2 days later, she wore that shirt and asked if it is nice. It is nice. She somehow altered long sleeve to short sleeve, side 20 to size 2!! I don't know how she works her magic. 

Also recently we were in Mango. I tried on a skirt which was the right size and was a nice color. But the seam near the zip has came off a bit.  That was the last piece and the sales lady refused to give further discount on the damage. I didn't buy it but Chloe said I should just buy it cause it is very easy to sew the burst seam.

I don't understand why she buys clothes that don't fit and had to do extra work of altering them. She doesn't understand why I made a fuss when I could easily fix it. Must be a generation different mentality thing....

Football Withdrawal Syndrome

 The last few weeks were kind of exciting. There were World Cup matches and usually after our dinner time. So, I just sat down and watched the games. Sometimes I watched with Chloe and sometimes with Dominic or both. Lucas watched with his friends in public viewing. I have never watched so many matches in a World Cup. It was kind of interesting and I looked forward to it after dinner. It is all over and I am back to Netflix. 

Now I know who are Haaland, Bellingham, Cucurella, Yamal, Nico Williams, Saka, Olise, Dembele..

Becoming a German - Jaywalking

German is famous for not jaywalking. I am becoming a German. I don't jaywalk and if I see someone doing it especially on busy road, I tell myself why you risk your life unnecessary..haha..

After living and driving for 7 years in Germany, I understand why jaywalking is dangerous. The road system is very different. Cars and pedestrians and cyclists have different traffic lights. Yes...3 sets of traffic lights for each direction! Even if the traffic light is green for cars, it doesn't mean you can go without watching out. The pedestrians and cyclists are also green and they have higher priority than the car. I know - very complicated. 

You see no car in sight and jaywalk. Suddenly a car or cyclist come from nowhere. Why risk it just to be a few seconds faster.

However, this does not apply in Malaysia or most part of Asia. I will be waiting for the cows to come home if I wait for the pedestrian lights to turn green.

Becoming a German --- Reading Labels

 I will start a series of becoming a German, how living here has changed me for better or worse. It will be interesting when I read this later...

Firstly, I read labels on almost everything. When I buy clothes, I always check for the material and in Germany, it is mandatory to have that label. I don't buy synthetic material as it attracts static. During my last trip home, I was in Isetan buying clothes. The fabric felt soft and I searched for the label. There was non on the material composition. I asked the sales lady and she said she didn't know. The German in me said how can you not know. Anyway I bought it and will find out soon if it is synthetic. 

I also read labels on frozen food on the preparation - how many degrees and how long. Previously I used my eyes. If the color looked right, then the food is ready. However, I do not have my eyes on the expiry date and nutrition labels. If it doesn't look spoil or rotten, then it is edible. Unfortunately Lucas and Chloe have hawk eyes on expiry date. They won't touch the food after expiry date even though the food looks perfectly good. To workaround it, I throw the packaging with expiry date and said the food is still good. 

I read manual instructions on most gadgets no matter how simple and small. To find out how to clean and how often, what does each button do. 

I take note of the measurement before buying. Buying chairs, tables, bags, shoes, household gadgets etc to make sure I don't get surprises.

Would you say this is change for the better?

Heatwave

 As published in the news worldwide, Europa is in a heatwave now. When the temperature is above 35C, it is considered 'extreme high'. On Thursday it was 35C and it just gets higher until 41C on Sat and 40C on Sunday. That's 4 consecutive days. It is rather rare for June. My German neighbours and Malaysian friends  commented that I should be able to handle the heat. The answer is not exactly. In Malaysia we don't walk more than necessary. It is usually from house to/fro car. All houses or buildings are air-conditioned. The exposure to heat is just for a very short time. In Germany, hardly any buildings are air-conditioned. I read only 6% of the houses in Germany have air-conditioned(AC). You will be surprised that most shops, clinics and public transports (yes, trains)  are not AC. The sure AC places will be supermarkets and shopping malls. My neighbour jokingly telling me she will be going the supermarket and walk every aisle for 2 hours. 

How do I keep myself cool? I hibernate at home. I have to keep the shutter down before the sun shines in. When the temperature outside is lower than inside, I will open the windows to let the cool air in. I am becoming a German. I do my 'Luftung' (airing). We being Asians, we naturally have fans. Few Germans own a fan. Germans go for a swim when it is hot. All the water surface is filled with people. Ice-creams and ice aisle in the supermarkets is often empty. 

You will wonder why not just get an AC. Well, the Germans think AC is a big polluter cause it emits hot air. Not many companies can install AC as it is a specialised machine. Electricity cost is very high too. Now with the longer hot days and it gets earlier and earlier, I think the mindset may slowly changed.

Should I get one for my room? Then Lucas and Chloe will surely want one for their rooms too. Then it will be too many and too expensive.

Private Space

 My children do sometimes host parties at home. They invite a few close friends over, cook a meal together, play some games or watch TV. I am definitely for this. I think it is great that they have a free (no entrance fee) and safe space to have fun, especially for Chloe. It is better than hanging out in public park late at night and drinking. Mind you, the legal drinking age in Germany is 16.  The friends also take turn to host. Usually it happens when the parents are not at home. You see, they want their private space without parents spying on them. I always say to Lucas and Chloe, as long as you clean up after, it is fine to have friends over.  They never disappoint. They cleaned up so well that I couldn't tell a group of young adults were just here earlier cooking, eating, drinking. 

Sometimes the parties happened when Dominic and I were at home. Since we have to be out of their way, we usually take the opportunity to eat out. But that doesn't take that long. Then we spent the remaining time in our room with our alcohol :)

Some parents have been saying their children are waiting for them to move out so that the children can have the space. I can relate to that.

Ladies Tea

 I live in a neighbourhood with young families and retirees. The houses with garden are usually occupy by young families and the apartments are usually occupy by couple retirees. I have a few immediate neighbours who are retired. Amongst them, I am the youngest. The rest have earned their retirement and worked until 65/67. I am a pre-mature retiree. I don't know how it got started, somehow we had a ladies tea day. Everyone takes turn to host. It is usually tea with sweet treats and we end with sparkling wine. We gossip of course. Enjoying life, so to say.

I had been to a few and hosted once. My honest opinions and observations on these ladies tea ...

- buying cakes/sweet treats is a no no. Must be home baked. Nobody eats the store bought cake.

- table setting is very important and proper. There has to be the right cups, plates, serving plates, milk and sugar cups etc

- tables are usually nicely decorated with low laying flowers and candles.

This reminds me of my mother-in-law. She is a great hostess. She has everything that is matching and proper. And here I am still learning and stress out when I have to host. 

What an adventure and a new phase of my life..

A Courageous Woman

 Lucas has a very good friend called F since primary school. They were in the same secondary school and high school and still hang around together. I know F's mother by name and face. F's mother was the parents' representative to the school. We met during Parents' meetings and sometimes when we dropped our sons for sleepover. When we met, we greeted each other and made small talk. We were not close friends.

Yesterday Lucas said she passed away 2 weeks ago. That was really a shock! She was probably in her late 40s with F 20 this year and a daughter 16 this year. I last saw her in our sons high school graduation in July 2025. We talked briefly and there was no indication that she was critically ill. According to Lucas, she had breast cancer a few years ago but made a full recovery. In June 2025 she was diagnosed with an incurable cancer. There was no treatment. She chose not to tell anyone except her immediate family. She didn't want to be treated differently. She did not want anyone to feel sorry for her or pity her. She lived as normal as possible and encouraged her family to do the same. F proceeded with his 5 months gap break in South America. F only told his friends after her funeral. 

Oh..what a courageous woman! She did not feel sorry for herself and did not want anyone to do the same.  She lived as normal as possible and wanted her family to do the same until the her last day. She was a role modal. May she rest in peace.

As 2026 cruises on, the brutality continues...

Taoist Funeral Rituals

 I have never been very close and try to understand the Taoist funeral or wake until my mother's passing. I have attended my grandparents' and aunties' wake but I just went through the motion. Never interested to find the the reasons behind the rituals.

With my mother, I become very curious and really want to understand the rituals. There is a process. It is basically to guide her safely to her afterlife. The process started with 'inviting' the deceased home for the prayer.  There is 'crossing the bridge' ritual, 'jumping the fire river' aka breaking the underworld to save her (like the Singapore movie titled 'The Last Dance'), burning paper house, money etc so that she is well provided for in afterlife. 

The ritual does not end with the burial. There is 49 days which are very important. It is believed that her soul is in transition between earthly world and afterlife during these 49 days. She is not allowed to be 'sitting' in the ancestor's altar yet. So she has a temporary altar for 49 days. Prayers at home continue everyday. We serve her food before we eat and we offer joss sticks. There are special prayer for the first 7th day, 3rd 7th day, 5th 7th day and finally 7th 7th day where she will be moved to the ancestor altar. During these 49 days, she can/will return and her presence can be felt.

Everyone has his or her own belief. I am never spiritual but this experince somehow changed my thinking. On her first night after her burial, we served my mother food that we ate, We had hokkien mee, fried rice and yee mee.  We placed 3 bowls with 3 sets of chopsticks and spoons, neatly. The next morning I was the first to wake up. I went to open the main door and saw one of the chopsticks on the floor and the spoon was slightly moved. The others were still neatly in place. I was taken aback. I looked around and all the doors and windows were still closed. It is not possible the wind blew it off the table. My parents' house has no indoor pets. Then it stuck me that my mother came back. I was sacred for a moment. Come to think of it, why should I be scared. She is my late mother. I have never felt spirit so close. I quickly woke my siblings and father up. My father was happy that she was back. To him, it meant she found her way and was not lost spirit. I told them that it was the yee mee chopstick. My sister and brother immediately said it was definitely her. Yee mee was her favourite dish of all the 3 dishes. Can this be a coincidence? It is what you want to believe. 

A day before her one month death anniversary, I had a dream. I was following her and saw her in a rush to collect a few items. She even had a friend and were going somewhere together. The dream ended with a light shone on her, she lifted her head and then she disappeared. It is like she went to heaven. I remembered asking myself in the dream if she was going to heaven. When I opened my eyes, it was also the same question I asked myself, in an awake stake.  Naturally I googled to see what it means to have such a dream. It is called 'visitation' dream - indicates that I am moving toward a state of acceptance with her passing or a dream suggesting she found her peace afterlife. Whatever it is, my family is relieved she is in peace.

So much for the yet 49 days...

Brutal Start to 2026

 This year has been brutal and it is only April. For a start, my mother-in-law was critically ill since mid January. She was in hospital ICU for 2 months. Some of her doctors weren't sure if she can pull through. But thank goodness, her will to live is so strong and she overcame the biggest hurdle. She is now on palliative care at home. Dominic has been flying home every 2 to 3 weeks and it has taken a toll on him and his father. One cannot imagine the stress until one is in the situation. If you know somewhere in similar situation, show more empathy. It helps.

Then the most brutal was my mother passing in mid March. My mother was diagnosed with cancer four years ago. She completed her chemo treatment in 2022. Since then, I have managed to arrange for her to visit me in Germany on her better days. In 2025, her kidneys showed sign of failing. We planned a Japan trip for July 2025 but unfortunately she had to start her dialysis in May 2025. She didn't make it to Japan. Since the beginning of dialysis, it had taken a great toll on her body. She became so frail and was in so much pain. One day, she suddenly turned critical and was gone within 24 hours. The suddenness of her passing gets into my father. He is still trying to come to terms. 

My parents are taoist. I am also a taoist but not religious. We had wake for my mother and buried her. I will write about the taoist wake, beliefs in another post. It deserves a post on its own.

Slippery Winter

 This winter is the coldest we ever have since we moved here. The average temperature for January 2026 was  -0.6 Celsius. We have been living in an open freezer for more than a month. The roads are slippery. Walking and driving are not joke businesses. Shovelling snow and ice from the car are a routine chore. But on the bright side, we had a Northern Light sighting and walked on a frozen lake. Always look at the bright side.

View of Northern Light from the house. We don't have to chase Northern Light. Northern Light comes to us.

Mirror ice. Don't try to walk.

Frozen lake.

2025 Came and Gone

 2025 just flew past. We all realised the older you get, the faster the time flies. And I can't recall any significant achievements or events. Just thankful I am still able to do what I am doing and the loved ones are still healthy.

At the beginning of this year, I read something interesting and tried to practice. But I did not have the perseverance to carry it on. It said write 3 things you are grateful for everyday. I wrote for 5 days and stopped. I wrote pretty much the same things. So, I quit. Just live life and be present. It is good enough for me. 

2026 was welcomed with snow storm. I was driving on the German highway and the snow just came. The sky got dark with snow pelting on the car screen, the road got slippery and visibility was bad. I hope this is not an omen to the remaining of the year.

I have a few to dos list though. Related to estate planning or getting the affairs in order - testament for do not resuccitate,  where to store the will, the relevant bank info so that the kids know how to get the money if we are gone earlier than expected. There are 2 interesting topics which I agreed and I intend to implement. 

One - get rid of our own junk before we 'go'. It may be our treasures but they are junk to our kids. It is not fair for the kids to decide what to keep and what to throw. Friends, start decluttering.

Two - let the children read the will while we are still alive. If they are not happy, we are still around to explain why it was done in such a way. If we are dead and there is a disagreement, the siblings relationship will definitely suffer though it is not a fault of theirs. 

So, bring it on 2026!