Ladies Tea

 I live in a neighbourhood with young families and retirees. The houses with garden are usually occupy by young families and the apartments are usually occupy by couple retirees. I have a few immediate neighbours who are retired. Amongst them, I am the youngest. The rest have earned their retirement and worked until 65/67. I am a pre-mature retiree. I don't know how it got started, somehow we had a ladies tea day. Everyone takes turn to host. It is usually tea with sweet treats and we end with sparkling wine. We gossip of course. Enjoying life, so to say.

I had been to a few and hosted once. My honest opinions and observations on these ladies tea ...

- buying cakes/sweet treats is a no no. Must be home baked. Nobody eats the store bought cake.

- table setting is very important and proper. There has to be the right cups, plates, serving plates, milk and sugar cups etc

- tables are usually nicely decorated with low laying flowers and candles.

This reminds me of my mother-in-law. She is a great hostess. She has everything that is matching and proper. And here I am still learning and stress out when I have to host. 

What an adventure and a new phase of my life..

A Courageous Woman

 Lucas has a very good friend called F since primary school. They were in the same secondary school and high school and still hang around together. I know F's mother by name and face. F's mother was the parents' representative to the school. We met during Parents' meetings and sometimes when we dropped our sons for sleepover. When we met, we greeted each other and made small talk. We were not close friends.

Yesterday Lucas said she passed away 2 weeks ago. That was really a shock! She was probably in her late 40s with F 20 this year and a daughter 16 this year. I last saw her in our sons high school graduation in July 2025. We talked briefly and there was no indication that she was critically ill. According to Lucas, she had breast cancer a few years ago but made a full recovery. In June 2025 she was diagnosed with an incurable cancer. There was no treatment. She chose not to tell anyone except her immediate family. She didn't want to be treated differently. She did not want anyone to feel sorry for her or pity her. She lived as normal as possible and encouraged her family to do the same. F proceeded with his 5 months gap break in South America. F only told his friends after her funeral. 

Oh..what a courageous woman! She did not feel sorry for herself and did not want anyone to do the same.  She lived as normal as possible and wanted her family to do the same until the her last day. She was a role modal. May she rest in peace.

As 2026 cruises on, the brutality continues...

Taoist Funeral Rituals

 I have never been very close and try to understand the Taoist funeral or wake until my mother's passing. I have attended my grandparents' and aunties' wake but I just went through the motion. Never interested to find the the reasons behind the rituals.

With my mother, I become very curious and really want to understand the rituals. There is a process. It is basically to guide her safely to her afterlife. The process started with 'inviting' the deceased home for the prayer.  There is 'crossing the bridge' ritual, 'jumping the fire river' aka breaking the underworld to save her (like the Singapore movie titled 'The Last Dance'), burning paper house, money etc so that she is well provided for in afterlife. 

The ritual does not end with the burial. There is 49 days which are very important. It is believed that her soul is in transition between earthly world and afterlife during these 49 days. She is not allowed to be 'sitting' in the ancestor's altar yet. So she has a temporary altar for 49 days. Prayers at home continue everyday. We serve her food before we eat and we offer joss sticks. There are special prayer for the first 7th day, 3rd 7th day, 5th 7th day and finally 7th 7th day where she will be moved to the ancestor altar. During these 49 days, she can/will return and her presence can be felt.

Everyone has his or her own belief. I am never spiritual but this experince somehow changed my thinking. On her first night after her burial, we served my mother food that we ate, We had hokkien mee, fried rice and yee mee.  We placed 3 bowls with 3 sets of chopsticks and spoons, neatly. The next morning I was the first to wake up. I went to open the main door and saw one of the chopsticks on the floor and the spoon was slightly moved. The others were still neatly in place. I was taken aback. I looked around and all the doors and windows were still closed. It is not possible the wind blew it off the table. My parents' house has no indoor pets. Then it stuck me that my mother came back. I was sacred for a moment. Come to think of it, why should I be scared. She is my late mother. I have never felt spirit so close. I quickly woke my siblings and father up. My father was happy that she was back. To him, it meant she found her way and was not lost spirit. I told them that it was the yee mee chopstick. My sister and brother immediately said it was definitely her. Yee mee was her favourite dish of all the 3 dishes. Can this be a coincidence? It is what you want to believe. 

A day before her one month death anniversary, I had a dream. I was following her and saw her in a rush to collect a few items. She even had a friend and were going somewhere together. The dream ended with a light shone on her, she lifted her head and then she disappeared. It is like she went to heaven. I remembered asking myself in the dream if she was going to heaven. When I opened my eyes, it was also the same question I asked myself, in an awake stake.  Naturally I googled to see what it means to have such a dream. It is called 'visitation' dream - indicates that I am moving toward a state of acceptance with her passing or a dream suggesting she found her peace afterlife. Whatever it is, my family is relieved she is in peace.

So much for the yet 49 days...

Brutal Start to 2026

 This year has been brutal and it is only April. For a start, my mother-in-law was critically ill since mid January. She was in hospital ICU for 2 months. Some of her doctors weren't sure if she can pull through. But thank goodness, her will to live is so strong and she overcame the biggest hurdle. She is now on palliative care at home. Dominic has been flying home every 2 to 3 weeks and it has taken a toll on him and his father. One cannot imagine the stress until one is in the situation. If you know somewhere in similar situation, show more empathy. It helps.

Then the most brutal was my mother passing in mid March. My mother was diagnosed with cancer four years ago. She completed her chemo treatment in 2022. Since then, I have managed to arrange for her to visit me in Germany on her better days. In 2025, her kidneys showed sign of failing. We planned a Japan trip for July 2025 but unfortunately she had to start her dialysis in May 2025. She didn't make it to Japan. Since the beginning of dialysis, it had taken a great toll on her body. She became so frail and was in so much pain. One day, she suddenly turned critical and was gone within 24 hours. The suddenness of her passing gets into my father. He is still trying to come to terms. 

My parents are taoist. I am also a taoist but not religious. We had wake for my mother and buried her. I will write about the taoist wake, beliefs in another post. It deserves a post on its own.

Slippery Winter

 This winter is the coldest we ever have since we moved here. The average temperature for January 2026 was  -0.6 Celsius. We have been living in an open freezer for more than a month. The roads are slippery. Walking and driving are not joke businesses. Shovelling snow and ice from the car are a routine chore. But on the bright side, we had a Northern Light sighting and walked on a frozen lake. Always look at the bright side.

View of Northern Light from the house. We don't have to chase Northern Light. Northern Light comes to us.

Mirror ice. Don't try to walk.

Frozen lake.

2025 Came and Gone

 2025 just flew past. We all realised the older you get, the faster the time flies. And I can't recall any significant achievements or events. Just thankful I am still able to do what I am doing and the loved ones are still healthy.

At the beginning of this year, I read something interesting and tried to practice. But I did not have the perseverance to carry it on. It said write 3 things you are grateful for everyday. I wrote for 5 days and stopped. I wrote pretty much the same things. So, I quit. Just live life and be present. It is good enough for me. 

2026 was welcomed with snow storm. I was driving on the German highway and the snow just came. The sky got dark with snow pelting on the car screen, the road got slippery and visibility was bad. I hope this is not an omen to the remaining of the year.

I have a few to dos list though. Related to estate planning or getting the affairs in order - testament for do not resuccitate,  where to store the will, the relevant bank info so that the kids know how to get the money if we are gone earlier than expected. There are 2 interesting topics which I agreed and I intend to implement. 

One - get rid of our own junk before we 'go'. It may be our treasures but they are junk to our kids. It is not fair for the kids to decide what to keep and what to throw. Friends, start decluttering.

Two - let the children read the will while we are still alive. If they are not happy, we are still around to explain why it was done in such a way. If we are dead and there is a disagreement, the siblings relationship will definitely suffer though it is not a fault of theirs. 

So, bring it on 2026!