Taoist Funeral Rituals

 I have never been very close and try to understand the Taoist funeral or wake until my mother's passing. I have attended my grandparents' and aunties' wake but I just went through the motion. Never interested to find the the reasons behind the rituals.

With my mother, I become very curious and really want to understand the rituals. There is a process. It is basically to guide her safely to her afterlife. The process started with 'inviting' the deceased home for the prayer.  There is 'crossing the bridge' ritual, 'jumping the fire river' aka breaking the underworld to save her (like the Singapore movie titled 'The Last Dance'), burning paper house, money etc so that she is well provided for in afterlife. 

The ritual does not end with the burial. There is 49 days which are very important. It is believed that her soul is in transition between earthly world and afterlife during these 49 days. She is not allowed to be 'sitting' in the ancestor's altar yet. So she has a temporary altar for 49 days. Prayers at home continue everyday. We serve her food before we eat and we offer joss sticks. There are special prayer for the first 7th day, 3rd 7th day, 5th 7th day and finally 7th 7th day where she will be moved to the ancestor altar. During these 49 days, she can/will return and her presence can be felt.

Everyone has his or her own belief. I am never spiritual but this experince somehow changed my thinking. On her first night after her burial, we served my mother food that we ate, We had hokkien mee, fried rice and yee mee.  We placed 3 bowls with 3 sets of chopsticks and spoons, neatly. The next morning I was the first to wake up. I went to open the main door and saw one of the chopsticks on the floor and the spoon was slightly moved. The others were still neatly in place. I was taken aback. I looked around and all the doors and windows were still closed. It is not possible the wind blew it off the table. My parents' house has no indoor pets. Then it stuck me that my mother came back. I was sacred for a moment. Come to think of it, why should I be scared. She is my late mother. I have never felt spirit so close. I quickly woke my siblings and father up. My father was happy that she was back. To him, it meant she found her way and was not lost spirit. I told them that it was the yee mee chopstick. My sister and brother immediately said it was definitely her. Yee mee was her favourite dish of all the 3 dishes. Can this be a coincidence? It is what you want to believe. 

A day before her one month death anniversary, I had a dream. I was following her and saw her in a rush to collect a few items. She even had a friend and were going somewhere together. The dream ended with a light shone on her, she lifted her head and then she disappeared. It is like she went to heaven. I remembered asking myself in the dream if she was going to heaven. When I opened my eyes, it was also the same question I asked myself, in an awake stake.  Naturally I googled to see what it means to have such a dream. It is called 'visitation' dream - indicates that I am moving toward a state of acceptance with her passing or a dream suggesting she found her peace afterlife. Whatever it is, my family is relieved she is in peace.

So much for the yet 49 days...

Brutal Start to 2026

 This year has been brutal and it is only April. For a start, my mother-in-law was critically ill since mid January. She was in hospital ICU for 2 months. Some of her doctors weren't sure if she can pull through. But thank goodness, her will to live is so strong and she overcame the biggest hurdle. She is now on palliative care at home. Dominic has been flying home every 2 to 3 weeks and it has taken a toll on him and his father. One cannot imagine the stress until one is in the situation. If you know somewhere in similar situation, show more empathy. It helps.

Then the most brutal was my mother passing in mid March. My mother was diagnosed with cancer four years ago. She completed her chemo treatment in 2022. Since then, I have managed to arrange for her to visit me in Germany on her better days. In 2025, her kidneys showed sign of failing. We planned a Japan trip for July 2025 but unfortunately she had to start her dialysis in May 2025. She didn't make it to Japan. Since the beginning of dialysis, it had taken a great toll on her body. She became so frail and was in so much pain. One day, she suddenly turned critical and was gone within 24 hours. The suddenness of her passing gets into my father. He is still trying to come to terms. 

My parents are taoist. I am also a taoist but not religious. We had wake for my mother and buried her. I will write about the taoist wake, beliefs in another post. It deserves a post on its own.